When an older parent starts to slip, families often grab one fix. A cleaner. Someone to talk to. A relative who visits for a weekend, tidies the kitchen, and flies home.
The intention is usually good. The order is often wrong.
A parent who has stopped cooking may be depressed. A parent who seems flat may just be worn out by the shower, the shopping, and a house that has got away from them. In Australia, those problems start in different places. They also show up together more often than a first phone call suggests.
The useful question is simple. What has stopped working in the last six months?
Start with a longer visit to your parent’s usual GP. Medication, pain, infection, hearing, memory, and mood can all look like “Mum is not coping.” Sort that out before you spend months on the wrong referral.
What has actually changed
Write down what is different now. “Dad has always been stubborn” may be true. It doesn’t tell you if he can get out of the shower safely this week.
Start with what you can see.
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Meals skipped, or a fridge that is empty or full of old food
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The same clothes for several days
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Bills unpaid, mail unopened
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Medication missed, doubled, or still in the packet
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A fall, a near fall, or furniture used as a walking aid
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Trips to the chemist, the GP, or the shops have become hard
Then look at the mood, and put a timeframe on it. Sadness after a loss is not the same as low mood most of the day. It is also different from losing interest in people they used to ring, or a sleep or appetite change that has lasted two weeks or more. If that is what you are seeing, speak to a doctor. Don’t wait another month.
Poor personal hygiene or neglected laundry can fit either list. So can irritability. Take both lists to the GP. Don’t try to name the problem over the phone.
If your parent talks about not wanting to be here, has stopped eating, or you think they may harm themselves, don’t wait for a routine booking. Call 000 if the risk is immediate. Lifeline is 13 11 14.
When the gap is the tasks, not the talking
If the problem is showers, meals, cleaning, shopping, or getting out of the house, start with My Aged Care. That is the government entry point for aged care. Register online or call 1800 200 422.
Someone will assess your parents, usually at home. A support person can be there. Government-funded aged care usually starts at 65. For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, it can start at 50.
Small amounts of help, such as occasional cleaning or meals, may come through the Commonwealth Home Support Program. Higher or ongoing needs are assessed for the Support at Home program. That program replaced Home Care Packages and the Short-term Restorative Care Programme on 1 November 2025.
Funded help can include nursing, showering, medication prompts, transport, cleaning, shopping, and meals. A support worker may notice that someone has gone quiet. That is a reason to call the GP. It is not a plan for mood.
Register before the week falls apart. The wait can be long. On 30 June 2026, about 107,000 people were waiting for Support at Home. The average wait was about 10 months.
Private cleaning can cover part of that gap. Be clear about what you are paying for. A few hours of housework will not report back to the GP. It is not a clinical service.
When mood is the part that will not lift
If daily tasks are mostly getting done, and the change is withdrawal, hopelessness, anxiety, or heavy grief, book the GP for a mental health visit. Ask for a long appointment. Say why when you ring.
Ask whether a mental health treatment plan is appropriate. This is the Medicare pathway for talking treatment.
Under Better Access, a person with a diagnosed mental disorder, a valid plan, and a referral can get Medicare benefits for up to 10 individual sessions in a calendar year. They can also get up to 10 group sessions.
The plan, the referral, and later reviews need to come from a GP at the patient’s MyMedicare practice, or from their usual doctor. Ask about gap fees before the first session. A pension does not leave much room for a surprise bill.
If your parents live on the Sunshine Coast and their GP agrees that therapy is the best next step, ask for a referral to a local Sunshine coast psychologist who specializes in working with older adults.
Take plain notes to the appointment.
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She has stopped ringing her sister.
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She says she is a burden.
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She is awake at 3am.
Many older people will not use the word depression. Grief after a spouse dies can look like a practical decline. It can also be an illness that needs its own treatment. If things are severe, mixed with dementia, or not improving, the GP may refer to a psychiatrist who works with older people.
Talking treatment will not fill the fridge or fit a grab rail. If every session turns into a complaint about the shower, say so at the review. That usually means practical help needs to be added. It does not mean the sessions were a waste.
Both at once
This is the common picture. A parent is grieving and sleeping badly, and also cannot manage the shopping. Or the bathroom is no longer safe, and the shame of that has turned into withdrawal.
Do both in the same fortnight.
Register for an aged care assessment if daily tasks are failing. Ask the GP about mood, medicines, and a mental health treatment plan if the emotional change has lasted, or if it is severe. Don’t pause one to see if the other fixes it.
Housework will not settle grief. Therapy will not make the bathroom safe.
If memory or confusion is part of the change, say so at both appointments. It changes what an assessor recommends. It also changes what a doctor needs to check. That includes medicines, delirium, and depression that has been written off as dementia.
Siblings often split on this. One wants a service started. One wants independence left alone. A short list of facts for the GP beats another long message thread.
Include your parents, unless they genuinely cannot take part. People are more likely to accept help they helped choose.
The next fortnight
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Book a long appointment with the usual GP. Take examples: falls, weight, sleep, medicines, and any comment about not wanting to go on.
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If daily tasks are already failing, register with My Aged Care the same week. Take someone to the assessment who knows the real week, not the tidied-up version.
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If low mood, anxiety, or loss of interest has lasted two weeks or more, ask about a mental health treatment plan. Don’t wait to be offered one.
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While you wait, deal with the obvious risks. Ask the pharmacy about packed medication. Clear trip hazards. Check there is food they will eat. Agree who gets the call if something goes wrong.
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If you are worried about immediate harm, call 000.
You will not get the order perfect. A GP visit and an aged care registration in the same week is still better than waiting until you feel sure.
